wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize