dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
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