So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Randomize
