If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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