The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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