32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
