He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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