sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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