Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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