You're a womanizer and a bitch.
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
