my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
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