There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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