i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
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