The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
