If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
he fucked my hip out of place.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
