I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
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He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Im just a social blackout drinker.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
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Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
You left your phone here
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