Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
