Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
