Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Randomize
