i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Randomize
