don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Dick very happy bro
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
