A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
