If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
