just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
