He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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