if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
