i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
