Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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