So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Randomize
