And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Randomize
