we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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