she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
