so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
