come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
