Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
