when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
My feet surprised me
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
