why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Randomize
