You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Randomize
