i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
