I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
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Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
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He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
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