It's like God shit irony all over that family
I could have mohawked her pubes.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
