she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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