I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize
