Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
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