So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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