Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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