How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
