I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
