20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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