I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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