sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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