grandma shit on top of the toilet
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
