So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
