so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
