this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
