woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
