I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
no you cant smoke seaweed
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
