i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
