So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
