Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Randomize
