I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
