Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
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