Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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