My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
