Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
