wrigley field is MILF paradise
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
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