he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
