Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Randomize
