yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
that may or may not have been my penis.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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