Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
