dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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