Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
