Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
