Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
