i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize
