We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
